Terri's Tuesday Tip of the Week - May 26th

For success, attitude is equally as important as ability. - Walter Scott

Over Memorial Day weekend, I learned a great lesson from a friend.  For the last year, my friend has been working on a major project and I would receive progress updates from her when we would get together.  She put forth many hours of research and developed a plan that she thought would be beneficial to help the individuals she was trying to assist.  After long, tedious hours of creating the plan, her proposal was provided to another group of individuals and it was not implemented.  Last Monday, I received a text from her telling me the situation was not looking good.  Tuesday I checked on her and she said things were looking worse.  The final decision was made Thursday that her plan would not be implemented.  She was frustrated when she started to see that her plan would not be utilized and she may have felt that all those hours were wasted (Terri’s thoughts).  However by the time I saw her, she was fine with the situation.  In all reality, she was probably good with the situation by Wednesday, which was about 48 hours after she started to realize what the probable outcome would be.  

David P. Ingerson said, “Oftentimes in life, we can only determine our actions; not the outcome.”  Based on the situation, my friend did everything she possibly could to have her plan implemented and then it was put in the hands of someone else.  Her actions were correct; however, she had no control over the outcome.  Even though it did not go the way she desired, she was ready to move on with the right perspective and a good attitude. 

There are times that we all go through difficult seasons and the outcomes are not what we had desired after working so hard to accomplish something.  In those difficult times, remember Winston Churchill said, “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” 

You can't say what the outcome of a competition is going to be, so now I am ready to accept any result that comes my way, if I give my best shot. - Rajyavardhan Singh Rathore

Terri's Tuesday Tip of the Week - May 19th

I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen. - Ernest Hemingway

Richard Branson is a very daring, unique, successful individual that struggled in his younger years with dyslexia and ADA (Attention Deficit Disorder).  He even dropped out of high school at 16 because he found it too difficult to learn in a classroom.  Throughout the many adventures in his career, he has learned that to be successful in life one of the most important things an individual can do is listen.  

But the ability to lock in and listen is a skill that has served me well in life. Although it seems to be somewhat of a dying art, I believe that listening is one of the most important skills for any teacher, parent, leader, entrepreneur or, well, just about anyone who has a pulse.

(http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2014-09-23/richard-branson-virgin-way)

Last week, Terri’s Tuesday Tip of the Week discussed the following listening skills:

• The communication of nonverbal cues
• Be patient with people when they speak
• Ask questions

This week, here are 2 more important points:

- Show Empathy

Empathy is “the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another”. (dictionary.com)

After asking questions, it is important to listen to a speaker and understand the other person’s point of view.  With my job, I have to work with a variety of people to create legislation for change.  Often times, I have to intently listen to an individual’s perspective to understand why they believe what they believe.  As I listen, I have to let go of preconceived opinions and have an open-mind to what they are saying.  This does not mean I change my view and agree with them.  However, this allows me the opportunity to view the situation from their perspective, understand them better, challenge myself in my thinking and become stronger in my job. 

-Focus on the Message

This point can be interpreted in many different ways, but I want to discuss that we need to focus on the message and not let distractions bias our opinion.   For example, a bias could be held against someone for the way they speak, their education level or a different political affiliation.   Richard Branson said it best:

As you will (I hope) understand, one of the keys to ‘the way’ [the Virgin Way] we do things is nothing more complex than listening – listening intently to everyone who has an opinion to share, not just the self-professed experts.

We daily interact with various people and we need to take each person’s opinion and learn from it!

As confident individuals with a purpose in life, we need to listen more than we speak because we have nothing to prove.  We should strive to accomplish what is in our hearts.  We need to listen, pay attention to others, and grow because focusing on people is more enjoyable and productive than speaking. 

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. - Winston Churchill

Resources:

http://www.biographile.com/leadership-comes-from-listening-richard-branson-in-the-virgin-way/35909/

http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/listening-skills.html

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2015/05/11/12-things-truly-confident-people-do-differently/?intcmp=ob_homepage_dont_miss&intcmp=obnetwork

http://www.forbes.com/sites/georgebradt/2014/08/27/the-virgin-way-insights-into-richard-bransons-brave-leadership/

Terri's Tuesday Tip of the Week - May 12th

The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.  - Peter F. Drucker

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. – Epictetus

President Abraham Lincoln was an amazing communicator partly due to his listening skills.  He knew that to be an effective leader he needed to listen carefully to what people were saying because often times so much more can be learned from the nonverbal cues an individual is portraying.  Lincoln also knew that sometimes people just wanted to be heard.  

Dale Carnegie said, “If you want to be a good conversationalist, be a good listener. To be interesting, be interested.”  Carnegie knew that listening could alter circumstances, help an individual gain knowledge and strengthen relationships.  

Here are listening skills that we can all incorporate into both our personal and professional lives:    
 

-Non-verbal cues.  Often times an individual’s nonverbal cues such as their facial expressions or body posture can tell so much more about a person’s views/opinions than what the person is actually saying.  Take time to view an individual’s nonverbal cues to verify that the spoken message is the same as the unspoken message. 

To learn more about nonverbal cues, here is an article from entrepreneur.com: http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/201202.

 -Be patient.  Let the other person finish their sentence.  Do not interrupt or finish the sentence of an individual you are talking to.  Stay focused on the topic they are discussing.

Recently, I noticed that I was finishing people’s sentences or interrupting them without allowing them to finish their thoughts.  At dinner this past weekend, I finished someone’s sentence and immediately apologized.  It was inappropriate for me to finish the sentence and I felt I was being insensitive, impatient and disrespectful.  After I apologized, they continued telling me about their recent trip and the fun they had on it. 

 - Show interest by asking questions.  Often times, we hear a speaker, but truly do not understand what they are saying.  By asking questions, we gain clarification on statements they made and obtain additional knowledge to help us truly understand what the speaker is trying to convey.

This week, I challenge you to take time to listen to the people you are communicating with AND also ponder how listening can increase your communication skills.  

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.

– Jiddu Krishnamurti

Additional Resources on Listening:

http://blog.dalecarnegie.com/leadership/listen-like-lincoln-improve-listening-skills/

http://www.leehopkins.com/types-of-nonverbal-communication-listening-skills.html

http://jtbogden.blogspot.com/2011/01/become-good-conversationalist-dale.html

https://www.dailyworth.com/posts/2604-6-ways-to-up-your-influence-at-work/1

http://www.fastcompany.com/3045762/work-smart/how-to-make-yourself-unforgettable?utm_source